What I really want

Such longing, such great desire do I cry out for. I become consumed. Yet, what I long for I do not have. I was given such short, sharp, salivating tastes of it. Yet it does not quench my thirst. It leaves me yearning for more.

Why does God, the great provider, withhold such great blessing from me, I demand? WHY?! Does He really even know what is best for me?

The reply comes… ‘Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know’. ‘But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well’. For ‘no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him’.

So, according to God, my role is to trust Him (for He has the best for me) and to seek Him first. Now, that’s hard. That’s humbling. But, I believe, it is the only, victorious way.

Why not just ‘have faith in [myself]’, as Goku was reminded by his grandfather in Gragonball. The answer is simple: I just can’t. It’s not like I haven’t tried that. I have, and it doesn’t work. I give up trusting in myself. Pessimistic? No. Thankfully there is One who I can trust in. One who has never failed me, and One who will never fail me: my loving Creator and Father in heaven.

Though I do not understand why God withholds certain things from me, things I consider right for me, and even good for me; I simply need to learn to trust God for His best in my life, no matter what it is. I don't even know whether He will give this to me. But what I do know is this: He does have the best for me. Not only has he been faithful to me for the past 18 years of my life, but has been faithful to his promises from generation to generation; from Adam, to Noah, to Abraham, to Joseph, to Moses and the Israelites, to the people in Jesus' time, and to us today.

Adam focused on what God did not give him in the Garden of Eden. He was ‘free to eat from any tree in the garden, but [he] must not eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil’. There was much to choose from (‘for God made all kinds of trees… trees pleasing to the eye and good for food’), and to enjoy what God had lovingly given him.

In Exodus, after God had powerfully and miraculously led them out of slavery in Egypt, the Israelites soon grumbled against God for the lack of food. God had only led them out of the bondage from Egypt only 2 months ago! Again, God had great things in their lives, blessed them amazingly. Yet, the focus was not on God, but on what they did not have.

Similarly in my own life, I, too, often shamefully focus on what I do not have, rather than to focus on God and what he has mercifully given me. What has he given me? The friends, the family, the education, the talents, the material things, and above all, the greatest gift that is sufficient alone: Jesus Christ.

Now, by God’s grace, let me fix my eyes not on the storm, but let me look up and have my eyes fixed upon my Creator. Only then will I not sink but to stand on solid ground. Is this blind faith? No, simply resting on the promises of God.

(Sorry, I apologise for the vagueness and the rant…had to release the tension :))

Ross